Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
