Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
