Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
