Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this will be a night to untag.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
