Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
