Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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