Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If that was your dad, he is hot
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
