he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
