i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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