remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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