It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
