I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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