when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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