when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
