I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
