How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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