Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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