who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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