Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
operation have a gay friend backfired
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
