why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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