I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
