You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
