Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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