I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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