can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize