did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
