she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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