We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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