Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
