Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
