I look better un-naked...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
