Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Randomize
