we have officially lost it.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
