I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
