I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
