I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
