my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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