It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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