I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
