Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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