We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
