pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
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i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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