So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
