You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
