I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
