There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
