i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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