The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
