Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
