so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize