Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
