hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
