You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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