I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
