Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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