I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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