guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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