Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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