Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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