is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
