loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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