I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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