I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
