New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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