Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
