who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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